Las Vegan Moves to Colorado

Thank goodness for Motrin.  The last two days brought more snow than predicted, which required a bit of shoveling.  I shouldn’t complain.  This winter has been extremely mild and the snowstorms have been few and far between.  That being said, I am still longing to be amongst fellow RVers in the desert southwest.

Arkansas River, Pueblo, CO

In the ’90’s we lived in Las Vegas, Nevada.  That was during Vegas’ boom and it was tons of fun.  We witnessed old casinos being blown up and new ones built-in their place.  After a fun-filled four years, a job opportunity took us to Colorado Springs, Colorado.  My close friend and neighbor had just a few years earlier moved from Springs back to Vegas.  Upon our departure, she handed me this story, which can be appreciated by those of us familiar with living in the ‘North’.  Pls note to those sensitve…..offensive language used.

LAS VEGAN MOVES TO COLORADO            (Las Vegan can easily be replaced with Texan, Floridian, Arizonian…………you catch my drift)

Day 1 – 5:00 pm  It’s starting to snow.  The first of the season and the first one we’ve seen in years.  The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground.  It was beautiful!

Snow Cat
Snow Cat (Photo credit: clickclique)

Day 2 – We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape.  What a fantastic sight.  Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle.  I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it.  I did both our driveway and our sidewalk.  Later a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street.  The driver smiled and waved.  I waved back and shoveled it again.

Day 3 – It snowed an additional five inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around eleven degrees.  Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow.  I shoveled our driveway again; shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again.  Much of the snow is now brownish gray.

Day 4 – Warmed up during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again.  Bought snow tires for both cars.  Fell on my a*s in the driveway, $145.00 for a chiropractor, but nothing was broken.  More snow and ice expected.

Day 5 – Still cold.  Sold the wife’s car and bought a 4×4 in order to get her to work.  Slid into a guard rail and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel.  Had another eight inches of the white sh*t last night.  Both vehicles covered in salt and crud.  More shoveling in store for me today.  That g*dd*mn snowplow came by twice today.

Day 6 – It’s two degrees outside.  More f*cking snow.  Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn’t been damaged.  Power was off most of the night.  Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and kerosene heater, which tipped over and d*mned near burned the house down.  I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows.  Car slid on ice on the way to the emergency room and was totaled.

Day 7 – G*ddamn mother-f*ck*ng white sh*t keeps on coming down.  Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the f*ck*ng mail box.  If I ever catch the s.o.b. that drives the snowplow, I’ll chew open his chest and rip out his heart.  I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 mph and buries our driveway again.  Power still off, toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Day 8 – Six G*dd*mn more f*ck*ng inches of the f*ck*ng snow and f*ck*ng sleet and f*ck*ng ice and who knows what other kind of white sh*t fell last night.  I wounded the f*ck*ing snowplow as*hole with an ice axe, but he got away.  Wife left me.  Car won’t start.  I think I’m going snow blind.  I can’t move my toes.  I haven’t seen the sun in weeks.  More snow predicted.  Wind chill factor minus 22 f*ck*ng degrees.  Screw this sh*t!  I’m moving back to Las Vegas!

A snowplow clearing snow from the North Americ...
Image via Wikipedia

Moral of the Story?

When Ingrid decided to start this blog about our travels, I said, “sure honey, if that’s something you’ll enjoy” and was supportive.  Then she surprised me by saying she wants me to occasionally contribute and write my own posts.  A bit taken aback, I asked her more than once “are you sure?”  Understand I have thick skin and a sense of humor that some have said is; sick, offensive, wrong and down right funny.  No subject is off-limits.

Westcliffe, CO

I’ve witnessed first hand the ugliness of war (served in the Military) and appreciate all this great country we call America has to offer.  As such, I feel life is too short and don’t take myself too seriously.  Ingrid and I have traveled extensively over the years, and we found one common thread amongst most RVers; we live within our means and take responsiblity for ourselves and our actions. That being said, this story was recently emailed to me.  I will let each reader determine their own moral to the story……

The Ant and the Grasshopper – Two Versions:

OLD VERSION…………….         The ANT works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.  The GRASSHOPPER thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.  The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.  Moral of the old story:  Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION………  The ANT works hard in the withering heat and rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.  The GRASSHOPPER thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.  CBS, NBC, ABC, and CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.  America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?  Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, “It’s Not Easy Being Green”.

Occupy the Anthill stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We Shall Overcome”.  Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper’s sake while he damns the ants.

The President condemns the ant and blames former Presidents, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight……members of Congress exclaim the ANT has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

The ANT is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and having nothing left to pay his taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and is given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the Ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the Ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The Ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.  The Grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of Spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses, bringing the rest of the free world with it.  MORAL OF THE STORY……………..you decide!