Las Vegan Moves to Colorado

Thank goodness for Motrin.  The last two days brought more snow than predicted, which required a bit of shoveling.  I shouldn’t complain.  This winter has been extremely mild and the snowstorms have been few and far between.  That being said, I am still longing to be amongst fellow RVers in the desert southwest.

In the ’90’s we lived in Las Vegas, Nevada.  That was during Vegas’ boom and it was tons of fun.  We witnessed old casinos being blown up and new ones built-in their place.  After a fun-filled four years, a job opportunity took us to Colorado Springs, Colorado.  My close friend and neighbor had just a few years earlier moved from Springs back to Vegas.  Upon our departure, she handed me this story, which can be appreciated by those of us familiar with living in the ‘North’.  Pls note to those sensitve…..offensive language used.

LAS VEGAN MOVES TO COLORADO            (Las Vegan can easily be replaced with Texan, Floridian, Arizonian…………you catch my drift)

Day 1 – 5:00 pm  It’s starting to snow.  The first of the season and the first one we’ve seen in years.  The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground.  It was beautiful!

Snow Cat (Photo credit: clickclique)

Day 2 – We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape.  What a fantastic sight.  Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle.  I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it.  I did both our driveway and our sidewalk.  Later a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street.  The driver smiled and waved.  I waved back and shoveled it again.

Day 3 – It snowed an additional five inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around eleven degrees.  Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow.  I shoveled our driveway again; shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again.  Much of the snow is now brownish gray.

Day 4 – Warmed up during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again.  Bought snow tires for both cars.  Fell on my a*s in the driveway, $145.00 for a chiropractor, but nothing was broken.  More snow and ice expected.

Day 5 – Still cold.  Sold the wife’s car and bought a 4×4 in order to get her to work.  Slid into a guard rail and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel.  Had another eight inches of the white sh*t last night.  Both vehicles covered in salt and crud.  More shoveling in store for me today.  That g*dd*mn snowplow came by twice today.

Day 6 – It’s two degrees outside.  More f*cking snow.  Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn’t been damaged.  Power was off most of the night.  Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and kerosene heater, which tipped over and d*mned near burned the house down.  I managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows.  Car slid on ice on the way to the emergency room and was totaled.

Day 7 – G*ddamn mother-f*ck*ng white sh*t keeps on coming down.  Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the f*ck*ng mail box.  If I ever catch the s.o.b. that drives the snowplow, I’ll chew open his chest and rip out his heart.  I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then comes down the street about 100 mph and buries our driveway again.  Power still off, toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Day 8 – Six G*dd*mn more f*ck*ng inches of the f*ck*ng snow and f*ck*ng sleet and f*ck*ng ice and who knows what other kind of white sh*t fell last night.  I wounded the f*ck*ing snowplow as*hole with an ice axe, but he got away.  Wife left me.  Car won’t start.  I think I’m going snow blind.  I can’t move my toes.  I haven’t seen the sun in weeks.  More snow predicted.  Wind chill factor minus 22 f*ck*ng degrees.  Screw this sh*t!  I’m moving back to Las Vegas!